Five things to do before you tell him you're leaving

Five things to do before you tell him you're leaving

• May 5
• 5 min read

Quick answer: Before telling your partner you're leaving, do five things first: get a full picture of all your accounts and debts, open a separate bank account in your name only, pull your free credit report, copy all important financial paperwork, and have a confidential conversation with a mortgage broker, financial counsellor or family lawyer. Doing these quietly in advance protects your options and your safety. The rest of this post explains each step in detail.

I see this every week. A woman finally decides she's done. She's been thinking about it for months, sometimes years. She's rehearsed the conversation. She knows exactly what she wants to say.

And then I ask her about her finances.

That's where the silence usually starts.

I know that silence. I've sat on the other side of it too.

Most women I work with have been so focused on the emotional weight of leaving that the financial side hasn't even entered the room yet. And here's the thing nobody tells you: the moment you say the words out loud, your options start narrowing. Joint accounts get watched. Credit cards get cancelled. Quiet conversations stop being quiet.

So before you have the conversation, do these five things.

1. Know what you actually have

Before leaving, list every account, debt and asset that exists in your name, your partner's name, and joint names. You cannot make a plan from a guess.

Not what you think you have. What you actually have.

Pull up every account. Joint, sole, super, credit cards, buy-now-pay-later, car loans, the lot. Write down the balances, the interest rates, whose name is on what, and who has access to what. If there's a mortgage, get the current balance and the redraw available.

You need the numbers before you need the plan.

2. Open a bank account in your own name

A separate account in your name only, at a different bank to your joint accounts. Not a sub-account. Not a linked account. A clean break, somewhere your partner does not bank.

Start moving small amounts in if you can do so safely. This is your runway. It buys you a hotel night, a bond on a rental, a tank of fuel, a lawyer's first appointment. It buys you the ability to leave on your own timeline instead of his.

3. Pull your credit file

In Australia, you can access your credit report for free. It takes about ten minutes online and shows every loan, credit card and account in your name.

You need to know what's in your name, what's in joint names, and whether there's anything on there you didn't authorise. I've sat across from too many women who found out at the worst possible moment that there were debts they never knew existed.

Knowing your credit position now means no surprises later when you go to rent, refinance, or borrow on your own.

4. Copy the paperwork

Tax returns. Payslips (his and yours). Super statements. The mortgage documents. The last two years of bank statements. Insurance policies. The car rego. Birth certificates. Marriage certificate.

Take photos on your phone, email them to a private address he doesn't have access to, or store them in a cloud account he doesn't know about. If you walk out the door and the paperwork stays behind, you can spend months and thousands of dollars trying to reconstruct what you already had.

5. Talk to a professional before you need to

Speak to a mortgage broker, financial counsellor or family lawyer for a free initial consultation before making any announcement. Most offer a no-obligation first meeting, and the information you gain will shape every decision that follows.

You're not committing to anything. You're finding out what's possible before you make decisions you can't undo.

Can you keep the house? Can you buy your partner out? Can you afford to rent in the area where the kids go to school? What does serviceability look like on one income? These are questions with answers, and the answers shape everything that comes next.

You don't need to have it all figured out. You just need to know which doors are open.

A note on safety

If you're not safe to do any of this openly, you're not alone, and there are people whose entire job is helping women plan a safe exit. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is a starting point. So is your local women's legal service. Financial preparation looks different when safety is the priority, and it's worth getting specialist support to walk you through it.

You're allowed to plan

There's no medal for leaving unprepared. The women who land on their feet after separation are almost always the ones who did this groundwork quietly, in the months before anyone else knew what was coming.

If you want a private, free space to start working through your numbers, your goals, and your next steps, that's exactly what Runa was built for. No broker calls. No sales pitch. Just the tools and the knowledge to help you understand where you stand and what's possible from here.

Sign up free at runaapp.com.au

Frequently asked questions

How long should I prepare financially before leaving?

There's no fixed timeline, but most women benefit from at least three to six months of quiet preparation. This gives you time to gather paperwork, build a small emergency fund, understand your credit position and have confidential conversations with professionals. If safety is a concern, prioritise specialist support over timeline.

Can I open a bank account without my partner knowing?

Yes. You can open a personal bank account in your own name at any Australian bank without your partner's knowledge or consent. Choose a different bank to your joint accounts, opt for paperless statements sent to a private email address, and decline marketing mail to your home address.

Is it legal to copy joint financial documents before separating?

Yes. Documents that relate to your own finances, joint finances, or shared assets are not your partner's private property. You're entitled to copies of tax returns, bank statements, mortgage documents and insurance policies that name you or are held jointly. Keep copies somewhere safe and private.

Will I damage my credit score by separating?

Separation itself does not affect your credit score, but missed joint repayments will. As soon as you separate, joint debts become urgent. If your name is on a loan or credit card, you remain liable even if your partner agreed to pay it. This is why understanding your credit position before you leave is critical.

Can I keep the house after separation in Australia?

Possibly. Whether you can keep the house depends on your income and serviceability, the equity in the property, your share of the asset pool, and whether you can refinance the mortgage into your sole name. A mortgage broker can run the numbers in advance so you know what's realistic before any negotiations begin.

What's the first thing to do financially when separating?

Open a bank account in your sole name at a bank your partner does not use, and start directing your income there if possible. This single step gives you control, privacy and a base of operations for everything that follows.

Where can I get free financial advice during separation in Australia?

Free financial counselling is available through the National Debt Helpline (1800 007 007). Many family lawyers offer a free first consultation. Mortgage brokers (including Matilda Tree Finance) typically offer no-cost initial conversations. Runa, a free financial literacy app for Australian women, also provides tools and content specifically for this stage.

Rielle Berglund is a mortgage broker and the founder of Matilda Tree Finance. She works with Australian women navigating major financial transitions, including separation, divorce and starting over. She's also the creator of Runa, a free financial literacy app built for exactly this stage of life.

Book a confidential conversation with Rielle at [matildatree.com.au] or start with Runa, free, at [runaapp.com.au].